Hands Off

On February 19th my wife and I found out that we are going to be parents. One of the happiest days of my life. Since then, we have been planning, decorating, rearranging, painting, buying, selling, etc etc etc. Jesse (my wife) is now 7 months pregnant and things are getting real. Through this process I've observed many things; from how I've been acting and also how other people react to our pregnancy. I've decided to write a blog to, if nothing else, sort out these observations so that I don't go insane.

One of the most amazing things that I've noticed since Jesse got pregnant is the gravitational pull that women's hands have towards her belly. It literally blows my mind every time a woman walks up to her, begins carrying on a normal conversation, and then suddenly places their hands on Jesse's stomach. They will stand there and talk about nursery decor, not feeling well, where to buy cute maternity clothes, all while keeping their hands on her stomach. Is this normal? There is no part of me that understands this. Does the same thing happen when you see someone with a goiter? "What a wonderful growth you have on your neck, there. May I place both hands on it as we stand here and talk about the weather?" It makes.no.sense.

My favorite is when a woman (and I say "woman" b/c no man has done this...yet. If a man were to do this I would simply punch them in the throat and be done with it) asks permission to touch Jesse's stomach. I'm standing there and just want to scream "NO YOU MAY NOT YOU WEIRDO." But I don't. I bight my tongue and stand in awe as Jesse keeps her composure during this bizarre exchange. I suppose asking permission is seen as being courteous but isn't that like asking permission to fart? Everyone knows the answer is "No" but you'll probably do it anyways. (BTW, I asked Jesse's permission before using the word "fart.")

I guess I have such a hard time with it b/c when someone puts their hand on my shoulder just to say hello, I want to shove them away as if they have leprosy. An ideal conversation for me is a smile, nod of the head, and no word uttered. Actual words exchanged is stretching it. Physical contact is direct evidence of God's patience working in me.

My only guess...and it is a guess...to this crazy behavior is that it feeds women's insatiable need to hold babies. Even when they're not yet born, touching a pregnant stomach satisfies the baby-holding appetite for women. I think this, along with many other reasons, is why women are the ones to carry the pregnancy burden. If men were to be pregnant and other men kept coming up to them to rub their stomach, you'd have fights all the time. But women can handle it. Jesse has handled this pregnancy more brilliantly than I could ever imagine. Her attitude inspires me. It gives me such peace b/c it's MORE proof of how incredible of a mother she is going to be. I can't wait for our daughter to arrive. Just don't touch my stomach or we'll have problems.