I apologize for not updating my blog more, but between rocking Cassie to sleep at 3:00am, trying to remember what day it is, and weeping for no apparent reason, I haven't had much time to sit down at the computer and update you all on the goings on of parenthood.
After 5 weeks, it's hard to pinpoint one specific thing that has changed in my life since having our daughter, but I'll try to sum it up with two words: extreme paranoia.
I have spent more than 20 hours staring at our thermostat trying to decide if setting it at 72 degrees or 73 degrees will cause Cassie to get the flu. I have figured out where the hot spots are in the house and where she can sleep and not have the breeze of the fan hit her face too much. When going on walks with her, I'll hold her hat over her head to protect her from the sun but not let her WEAR the hat so she won't sweat in it.
I stopped in the middle of the "Baby's R Us" parking lot to stare down an elderly lady who I thought took a corner too fast. Keep in mind, she was no where near us, but I thought I should give her the stink eye anyways. When a cashier asked how old Cassie was, every instinct I had told me to say "Shut your face and scan the diapers, jerkface" but thankfully,by God's grace, I was able to answer her with a slight smile on my face.
I pray every night that Cassie will sleep hard and when she does, I can't sleep because I'm not sure if she's breathing or not. My time and efforts are completely consumed by making sure Cassie is as safe as possible. And the craziest, most bizarre part of it all is that I wouldn't change it for the world. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 5 weeks, my hand has been introduced to baby poop more times than I can count, I don't think twice about sleeping in a shirt that has fresh spit up on it, and there have been mornings where I honestly have to stop and figure out what day it is. And I wouldn't change any of it. The sleepless nights abound (though they are thankfully getting much much better), the dirty diapers just keep coming, all the cliches are true. But the one I love the most is the one where all it takes is one look from her and it makes things all better. When she holds my hand while she's sleeping, there is nothing better. I'm not trying to get all sappy, it's just true. That's not to say I'm not going to bring a shotgun to Disney World next time we go. I mean, I don't know what kind of background check they've done on Chip or Dale.
Life has afforded Jesse and me a brand new adventure in the form of a healthy, beautiful baby girl. And if anyone comes within 10 feet of her, I can not be held responsible for my actions
