Time is a luxury now; a comodity that is more rare than even sleep. It is sparce and going faster than ever before. In 2 days, Cassie will be 2 months old and it feels like it's been 2 seconds. She is growing like a weed, sleeping on more of a schedule (though I wish it was for longer periods of time), and is becoming more sociable. In short, she's awesome.
What I'm having a hard time with, though, is time management and coming to the understanding that time is not my own anymore. Another way to put it is letting go of my selfishness. What I'm being asked and needed to do are not hard things. What's hard is that they are not needs of mine. It's been a great experience. God is showing me how much time I waste focusing on me and my laziness (a talent I have mastered). So every day I surrender to the fact that my schedule is simply a wish list. I hope to get things done and if I do, great. If not, there's always tomorrow. Cassie is the boss now and, as cute as she is, will be for the rest of my life.
That's the other thing. She's growing into herself more. She's growing out of that newborn stage, which I know women love for some reason, but for guys it's a tough time. Those first couple weeks it feels like you're holding a dozen eggs out of the carton. Your only mindset is "don't break her." It's great and everything, but my back starting going out because as I held her, I would be so tense and hunched over from fear of her falling through my arms that I think I slipped a disc.
Now though, she is growing and starting to interact with me. She reacts to facial expressions. The other day she half smiled at me and I went to give her $50 just because. I came to terms a long time ago with not being able to buy myself anything anymore, but I am now starting to realize that all she's really going to need to do is look at me and we'll be off to buy her a new porsche...even if she is only 3 years old. This is a trate she gets from her mother. Jesse has one look to get me to buy her something. It could be a milkshake from Chick Fil A or a Rolls Royce. It doesn't matter. It's the same look. And that look has been passed down to her daughter. I'm already poor, I guess soon I'll be broke too.
It's ok though. I may never have enough money to give her all the things that I want, but I can always give her my time. It's hers anyways.
Oh...and here's a picture of us trying to take our first Christmas picture. This was the best we could do. And for some reason, it's one of my favorite pictures ever.
